It breaks one’s heart to see the hordes being added to the already chaotic crowd in the (great?) city of Mumbai.

This is when rent-a-crowd rallies or protests are held to push a cause or celebrate an event. The leaders insist on holding such rallies at Shivaji Park or Azad Maidan.

Then everything comes to a total stop. Every non-existent system crashes and chaos reigns everywhere. The participants of such rallies travel in local trains free of cost. No ticket checker would dare to step in unless his only other option available in life is to face his visiting mother-in-law at home. In that case one can only understand his predicament and appreciate his bravery. His family might have to collect his bravery medal, posthumously though.

The tobacco-chewing members of the Railway Protection Force too disappear into oblivion.

Is it an earthquake? Is it a cyclone? An atomic explosion? NO! It’s our country brethren. shouting various slogans. Some of these slogans are risqué and vulgar. People like us who while traveling in the local train, try to make up on lost sleep or catch up on reading are startled into this world of chaos.

What characterizes the members of the crowd is their strong body odour…(gag), and their rudeness. First they get into the first class compartments and then the second class ones and if that too is full, then there is nothing to stop them from climbing on to the train tops!

Suddenly one of them on the rooftop hears Mother Nature call of distress and he obediently answers her by standing up to pee! A few others join in till their bladders empty out. No exaggeration this!

Most of the pee lands on their fellow participants who are hanging out of the train’s compartments. A communal bath!!?

…and that’s what I think about their leaders who deserve a pee on their heads too.

The roads become no less chaotic. Every transportation system fails to deliver. Buses and taxis and cars are all held up. Ambulances too. Feeble attempts are made by the traffic police to control or re-direct traffic. The road is full of sounds of blaring horns, whistling policemen, crying children, cursing drivers…and pedestrians and commuters spitting in anger.

No upper limits to the decibels.

Priority is accorded to the trucks carrying the participants to the rally, and they are just waved on through a special channel made available for them. The line up of their trucks is never ending like Draupadi’s saree!

KRISHNAAAAAAAA!! (distress call)

The crowds assume unimaginable sizes. If the rally is in the evening then there are two sets of crowds. One making their way to the grounds and another consisting of office goers heading towards the station, returning home. The railway stations resemble a war scene.

If it is at Shivaji Park then the railway bridge of Dadar is one place to be avoided like plague.

“STAMPEEEEEDE…!”

Pickpockets have a field day. Loud speakers (pun) are blaring their throats. Old lost friends meet again and reminisce over cups of tea or coffee. Train timings are thrown out of gear. Road traffic jams extend deep into the suburbs. Total chaos reigns in the no longer great city.

What is the solution to all this? Why do these people insist on congregating in the city? Are permissions sought for holding such rallies? And if yes then who permits them to hold them? Aren’t there other methods of protesting? Why inconvenience other commuters and folks of the city?

Well the answer lies in locating such rallies or protests in far off areas like the suburbs. But who is to listen. Meanwhile I have been pushed out of the railway compartment onto the station. They are taking me against my will to the rally being held for the celebration of the birth anniversary of a national leader who died atleast fifty years ago. HUH!

“Hello? I don’t remember celebrating my own birthday for many years now.”

“Excuse me please! If you don’t mind, can you return to me my shoes and…by the way it still has my right leg with it”.

As usual the requests go unheeded and chaos reigns.

Reminds me of the story when…

All the dogs in the city had assembled for a rally. The only condition was at that they had to hang their tails out at the entrance of the rally.

The naughtiest dog played a prank on them and he shouted, “Fire…fire!!”

A stampede followed.

Some of them lost their tails and many escaped wearing the wrong ones. 

Nowadays whenever the dogs of the city meet each other on the road they first sniff the other’s rear trying to find the right tail!

I am sure very soon we too will be doing much the same!